WITAFAID? The Powerful Question to Refocus Your Life

Wake-Up Call #23

Street Art in Lisbon, Portugal

I’m always looking for better questions.

Prompts that shake me a little, make me look at myself and the world a bit differently.

Sometimes, it’s the seemingly funny or silly ones that hold the most power.

I don’t remember when I first heard the acronym.

I just know I loved it.

WITAFAID

It’s shorthand for…

What in the actual fuck am I doing? 

My grounded, possibility-driven, Zenny, yet irreverent, drops-f-bombs-like-commas, former NYC heart smiled from ear-to-ear.

Not just because it’s fun.

The question is also weirdly powerful, at least to me.

There’s a reason for it.

Actually three.

• It’s a pattern interrupt.

• It’s built around deletion.

• It’s loaded with presuppositions.

A bit like Hemingway’s famed, yet brutal, 6-word story.

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

This story stops you in your tracks. It’s power lies in what’s not said, yet is viscerally implied. First by deletion, then implication. What is not stated overtly, your brain fills in. Layers of preconditions are assumed into existence. Turning space into specifics, relevance. It makes you feel something so much more personal than any defined context would, or could.

The construction of WITAFAID plays with similar mechanisms.

The core of it, “what…am I doing?” asks us to inquire into how we’re making decisions, allocating resources and energy.

Cool, cool. So what? Not so original.

There’s more…

In it’s generality, it leaves space for us to fill in the larger context. It doesn’t say, “what am I doing…about next week’s test, that job interview, spending hours-a-day on tiktok, my health, or the relationship I’m in?” It deletes those specifics, prompting you to fill in the gaps. This increases relevance, and expands or contracts scope, depending what’s going on in your life.

Not done yet.

If you pay attention, it also tells you what’s important to you at the moment you ask the question. A bit like that massively annoying interview question, “so, tell me about yourself.” On the rare occasion you answer in an honest, rather than scripted way, it reveals what you consider to be the defining elements of your identity, work, and life. In the here and now. That’s actually why the question gets asks, regardless of the details of your answer. The questioner wants to see where you choose to focus your answer. What is most alive for you, about you?

Still not done.

The question presupposes we’re not already clear about the what and the why around what we’re doing. It implies there’s wiggle room in our conviction. And maybe even a bit of autopilot existence at play. If that weren’t the case, there’d be no reason to ask. It gets us thinking, questioning if there’s something about the way we’re stepping into our lives that isn’t quite aligned.

Now, lets get into the f-bomb element.

If you hate swear words, you can feel the bile rising. If you love them, you’re all “oh, this is gonna be fun.” Either way, the word serves as a pattern interrupt. It breaks the expectation of propriety, and shakes you out of complacency. It jars your mind into a different mode of consideration, agitating a level of thinking that is often less conventional or linear. It sets you up to see and solve beyond the bounds of whatever neural grooves had been directing your attention and actions. At least, it does for me.

Finally, we bring in the full modifier, “in the actual fuck.” It implies there was a previous one we’d been considering, likely subconsciously, or not even thinking about. But that’s really just a distraction from the actual fuck. The one that needs to be the focus of our inquiry into what we’re doing, why, whether it’s giving us what we want. It, again, asks us to get more honest in our inquiry, to push past the comfort of delusion, and deal with what’s real.

More important than all of this, the question just makes me giggle.

Yes, I’m stuck at 11.

As I write this, I’m coming home from two-weeks in Europe. Lots to digest, and explore, especially in the context of my 2x20 project. Taking the week to look at my choices and actions over the last quarter. Looking at what I want to cut, consider, or green-light as I head into the final quarter of the year.

Could I do a SWOT, SOAR, NOISE or cost-benefit analysis, pro/con list, spreadsheet, or mid-or-post-mortem on each? Sure, but when I think about those approaches, my brain defaults immediately to, “dude, dark chocolate and rewatching the final season of Money Heist in Spanish sounds 10-times more fun!” That’s the control I need to beat.

Thinking about my project mix, and more broadly, my life at the moment, then asking WITAFAID? makes my brain look at things differently. It also reminds me I need to have more fun doing not just the things of my life, but also understanding how and why they fit in, or not. In a way that yields value, but is more play, less obligation.

So, I’ve been dipping into the question. And, it’s giving me all sorts of insights.

Curious what your take is. How does the question land with you?

With a whole lotta love & gratitude,

Jonathan

PS - A word on swearing. I do it. In conversation and, here and there, in print. Not for effect or shock value or out of laziness, but because sometimes the word is just the word. It’s about getting closer to the bone, closing the gap between feeling and expression. It’s about honesty, intellectual and emotional. Gosh darn is often a poor proxy for the deeply visceral feelings we’re entitled to not only experience, but also share. Many of the greatest writers, playwrights, poets, inventors, leaders, innovators and literary works, across culture and time, swear. Indeed, research reveals fascinating benefits (swearing actually lessens pain and increases strength), and potential correlations with intelligence, creativity, honesty, and linguistic ability. If it’s not your jam, totally get and honor that. You do you. I’ll do me.

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Wake-Up Call #24 | WITAFAID?

Ask yourself the question. Start intentionally broad.

Don’t give it an immediate context. Just notice the first “area” that comes up. Not just what it is, but what domain of your life it speaks you. That, alone, gives powerful insight. It offers a lens on where in your life your brain, especially the subconscious part, is wondering about things.

Then, once your mind serves up a particular context or specific element, project, relationship or anything else, take a little time to free-write in response to the prompt. Just let it flow and see what comes up. Deep, shallow, anywhere in between, it’s all good.

And, if you’re inclined, share your experience in the comments.