Discover why self-awareness alone won’t transform your life—and how embracing your authentic self, building real self-esteem, and taking yourself less seriously can.
As a therapist I often talk with my clients about how self-awareness without self-compassion can feel like torture. I’ve experienced this myself too, for the very reason that self -awareness doesn’t necessarily lead to living a more authentic life that’s true to you (obviously without harming others). This is where figuring out your values and what it looks like when you’re acting on them can provide a slow steady roadmap where you get to experiment in manageable ways at being more of your wonderful weird self!! 😀
When I first saw the title of this post, I thought, ooo this’ll be good. You went in a different direction than I thought you would but, still good. And I think my initial thoughts on this are still valid. After so much self awareness work ( a lot was probably needed) I’d like to sign off already and just go play. Please and thank you. It can feel exhausting at times and a little boring. Enough about me..what about you? I’m never disappointed in people’s authentic, thoughtful, stories about themselves.
Maybe I could trust that the journey can be my teacher? Maybe I’ll learn even more and the experience will be richer if I can have that attitude? Cuz I can get tired of the constant job self awareness can feel like.
So maybe trust is an important piece here, trust that I won’t become arrogant, trust that I’ll be able to learn on the fly and it’s okay not to have all the answers. And trust in all the weird, mine and everyone else’s. (With healthy boundaries, of course). Something good to think about as always.
Hey man, just stumbled upon your News thanks to Liz Gilbert. This is an amazing essay and it resonates so much with how I've been perceiving life. I've been thinking a lot about how nothing really matters (and thus everything matters, as we know that a paradox is the only way to see truth), that everybody is going to be forgotten, both of us, Leo DiCaprio, Meryl Streep, even Beethoven. And that's terrifying. But it's also amazing. Because it means that the world doesn't rest on anybody's shoulders.
I think this journey that we're all in is just about learning to be who we really are :)
Anyways, nice to meet you man. My name is Mateus, I'm a Brazilian writer. And I'm definitely sticking around.
So glad this resonated, Mateus. Love Liz, she's the best! And, yeah, the whole notion of taking everything, including ourselves, a little less serious just opens up a bit more space for grace along the way.
There’s a lot of truth here. What if people don’t really care? How do we realize we have worth even if we aren’t the best?
My big takeaway as I read this is that the “everyone gets a trophy” is trying to make us think of ourselves as all being the best, but what if we are great even if we aren’t the best? When we see our worth just in being alive and human it takes the pressure to “always be winning” off, and I think THAT would be a breath of fresh air to many.
It reminds me a qoute from Sandor Marai Dairy (great hungarian writer) it goes like this - the meaning of aging is, that in the first part of life you think that you are a main actor in the great comedy of life, and than you realized that you are not an actor but spectator.
Yes!! Being in that space where you realize, acknowledge and are in the process of trying to accept your weird self is interesting. At least it’s not boring 🤷🏽♀️😅
Awareness without judgement. Mental freedom. You have made such a great observation and gifted us a puzzle to ponder. It made me think of the phrase "to dance like no-one is watching". Abandoning the fear of the views of the audience. Awareness usually causes me to see areas I wish to change, whether wrapped in an ego of improvement or removal. Somehow linking the concept of growth with change. Therefore logically a projection if change is required that where I am now is not the right place to be. It's a fascinating topic. Thank you again for putting words to this and creating a space for reflection. Brilliant post.
"Awareness usually causes me to see areas I wish to change" - Same! Also a great tool to see and warm up to all the area that are pretty okay right now, too.
Self awareness is very powerful, but I think we then also need to work on accepting what we have become aware of. That acceptance helps with self esteem’s too. Carl Roger’s “Self Concept” theory is helpful in these situations.
I feel one challenge is to see everyone as us and us as everyone you pose a sense of separateness which makes it seem like we are the only one feeling this, when in fact we all feel whatever we feel when we feel it. It’s the flow of life.
Brilliant. For me, this is one of your best articles. It's fueled by lots of questions and dark chocolate. For decades I thought it was silly to obsess on self more than what I can do today to justify getting another shot for another 24 hours on earth. Lighten up. For sure. Your article gives me a clue to self awareness. I get it that the exploration and knowledge is worth the search and it's not for the casual or sloppy. A guide or some toolkits for this deep dive into your own wisdom could make your many questions in this article more valuable. So, maybe it's true that nobody cares, but it's your one life so that makes it worth doing.
Ha! Anything that fuels more dark chocolate is a good thing. Thanks for the nudge about a guide or a toolkit. As I was writing, I started wondering if there might value in offering not so much answers, but maybe more ways to think about answers and potential tools to guide the way.
My comment was more for context and not thinking up one more thing for you to do. I like your many questions. What I'm seeing in the self-awareness movement is a lot of high level ideas but very little in the way of wisdom and guidance. I'm not talking about therapists or coaches either. I'm just saying I think you are closer to coming up with a practical approach to self-awareness explorations the same way I could guide someone, having spent the years and hundreds of steps to unpack everything --necessary to get to truths or what I call "the natural state of you." I could mind meld or talk this out with you if you have a notion to be that guide.
As a therapist I often talk with my clients about how self-awareness without self-compassion can feel like torture. I’ve experienced this myself too, for the very reason that self -awareness doesn’t necessarily lead to living a more authentic life that’s true to you (obviously without harming others). This is where figuring out your values and what it looks like when you’re acting on them can provide a slow steady roadmap where you get to experiment in manageable ways at being more of your wonderful weird self!! 😀
So helpful, Gaby. Self-compassion is, for sure, another important tool to help navigate self-awareness.
I follow almost no one, have never been on Instagram or Twitter, and almost never leave comments anywhere ~ but I want to say:
The way you have been writing & sharing your thoughts feels like home to me (who happens to live far away from home.)
Thank you.
Oh wow, thanks so much for those kind words, Carolyn!
When I first saw the title of this post, I thought, ooo this’ll be good. You went in a different direction than I thought you would but, still good. And I think my initial thoughts on this are still valid. After so much self awareness work ( a lot was probably needed) I’d like to sign off already and just go play. Please and thank you. It can feel exhausting at times and a little boring. Enough about me..what about you? I’m never disappointed in people’s authentic, thoughtful, stories about themselves.
Maybe I could trust that the journey can be my teacher? Maybe I’ll learn even more and the experience will be richer if I can have that attitude? Cuz I can get tired of the constant job self awareness can feel like.
So maybe trust is an important piece here, trust that I won’t become arrogant, trust that I’ll be able to learn on the fly and it’s okay not to have all the answers. And trust in all the weird, mine and everyone else’s. (With healthy boundaries, of course). Something good to think about as always.
Love this addition to the toolbox. Trust that the journey can be our teacher.
Hey man, just stumbled upon your News thanks to Liz Gilbert. This is an amazing essay and it resonates so much with how I've been perceiving life. I've been thinking a lot about how nothing really matters (and thus everything matters, as we know that a paradox is the only way to see truth), that everybody is going to be forgotten, both of us, Leo DiCaprio, Meryl Streep, even Beethoven. And that's terrifying. But it's also amazing. Because it means that the world doesn't rest on anybody's shoulders.
I think this journey that we're all in is just about learning to be who we really are :)
Anyways, nice to meet you man. My name is Mateus, I'm a Brazilian writer. And I'm definitely sticking around.
So glad this resonated, Mateus. Love Liz, she's the best! And, yeah, the whole notion of taking everything, including ourselves, a little less serious just opens up a bit more space for grace along the way.
There’s a lot of truth here. What if people don’t really care? How do we realize we have worth even if we aren’t the best?
My big takeaway as I read this is that the “everyone gets a trophy” is trying to make us think of ourselves as all being the best, but what if we are great even if we aren’t the best? When we see our worth just in being alive and human it takes the pressure to “always be winning” off, and I think THAT would be a breath of fresh air to many.
great insights. What if being present and joyful was a valid aspiration, too?
Absolutely!
What a deep wisdom, and gentle thought.
It reminds me a qoute from Sandor Marai Dairy (great hungarian writer) it goes like this - the meaning of aging is, that in the first part of life you think that you are a main actor in the great comedy of life, and than you realized that you are not an actor but spectator.
Interesting quote, sitting with it. Thanks for sharing!
Yes!! Being in that space where you realize, acknowledge and are in the process of trying to accept your weird self is interesting. At least it’s not boring 🤷🏽♀️😅
Ha, not boring, indeed! And reveling in your weird - two fun things to think about!
Love this I think it’s easy to get sucked into the self aware vortex and forget to live to choose love and joy. Great piece !
So easy, the vortex has some serious gravity!
This resonates.
Makes me smile!
Awareness without judgement. Mental freedom. You have made such a great observation and gifted us a puzzle to ponder. It made me think of the phrase "to dance like no-one is watching". Abandoning the fear of the views of the audience. Awareness usually causes me to see areas I wish to change, whether wrapped in an ego of improvement or removal. Somehow linking the concept of growth with change. Therefore logically a projection if change is required that where I am now is not the right place to be. It's a fascinating topic. Thank you again for putting words to this and creating a space for reflection. Brilliant post.
"Awareness usually causes me to see areas I wish to change" - Same! Also a great tool to see and warm up to all the area that are pretty okay right now, too.
Self awareness is very powerful, but I think we then also need to work on accepting what we have become aware of. That acceptance helps with self esteem’s too. Carl Roger’s “Self Concept” theory is helpful in these situations.
Agreed. Lots to make peace with and even revel in, too.
I feel one challenge is to see everyone as us and us as everyone you pose a sense of separateness which makes it seem like we are the only one feeling this, when in fact we all feel whatever we feel when we feel it. It’s the flow of life.
Ride the inner wave.
Love the addition of oneness!
Exactly what i needed. Thank you🙏
Thanks, Stefanie!
So many great observations in this.
Always looking from different angles. That's part of my weird. lol.
Brilliant. For me, this is one of your best articles. It's fueled by lots of questions and dark chocolate. For decades I thought it was silly to obsess on self more than what I can do today to justify getting another shot for another 24 hours on earth. Lighten up. For sure. Your article gives me a clue to self awareness. I get it that the exploration and knowledge is worth the search and it's not for the casual or sloppy. A guide or some toolkits for this deep dive into your own wisdom could make your many questions in this article more valuable. So, maybe it's true that nobody cares, but it's your one life so that makes it worth doing.
Ha! Anything that fuels more dark chocolate is a good thing. Thanks for the nudge about a guide or a toolkit. As I was writing, I started wondering if there might value in offering not so much answers, but maybe more ways to think about answers and potential tools to guide the way.
My comment was more for context and not thinking up one more thing for you to do. I like your many questions. What I'm seeing in the self-awareness movement is a lot of high level ideas but very little in the way of wisdom and guidance. I'm not talking about therapists or coaches either. I'm just saying I think you are closer to coming up with a practical approach to self-awareness explorations the same way I could guide someone, having spent the years and hundreds of steps to unpack everything --necessary to get to truths or what I call "the natural state of you." I could mind meld or talk this out with you if you have a notion to be that guide.
This is the BEST blog post I've read for weeks!! Utterly brilliant. 🙌😍
So glad it resonated!