For me, it's the near-constant pressure for MORE - more writing, more clients, more savings, more books, more offerings, more posting + replying + engaging, more scaling, more visibility. And this year, my menopause-confused body/brain/Soul just said NO. The question of "what is all this <<waving hands all around>> FOR?" And ever so quietly my Spirit whispers, "Not WHAT, my dear, but WHO." And that begins my inquiry and leads to manswer: the WHO doesn't want more. It actually wants less of EVERYTHING except love, connection, community, and quiet. I'm typing this out for myself and am grateful your post led me here again, Jonathan. 🙏💗
FACTS. We can't self care ourselves out of a systemic oppression & near constant exploitation. It has taken me forever, and I certainly need tune ups now and again, to integrate the "less is more," "one task at a time," "slow is fast" wisdom. I clocked three hours of molding on the couch this weekend before I shook the impulse to check my phone and for my somewhat dormant imagination to kick back in. Staring at a tree is my number one relaxation task and go to remedy.
This! Totally agree Shelley. The whole “self care” movement is usually so individualistic and completely bypasses systemic and structural oppression. I do love with Audre Lorde’s take ““Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare’
I can resonate with this deeply being someone whose work is so meaningful and often doesn’t feel like “work”. And yet too many things is too many things. Your body will always tell the truth though. I think often of a friend who told me one day, “You know, Tanmeet, just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you have to.” I try to reflect on that but it doesn’t always sink in!
Exactly. I speak of his work to my patients often and I remind them that he and others taught us that trauma lives in our body. But then I remind them of something I’ve realized in my work, that’s also where it heals.
Right Lisa? For me this is the crux of my work in mental health and embodied non toxic wellness. Follow your body’s signals. It seems you message every day. ❤️
There is a lot of pressure to be ok all the time- especially as a public figure I would imagine. I live in a beautiful mountain community with lots of friends. But the struggle and the work is real. My Neuro systems need to be quiet and alone. My soul craves companionship. But there are moments of peace. Thanks for your story.
Yes completely agree, Jonathan! Self-care can often keep us going with the charade of overworking rather than stopping and reprioritising sooner. At least that was true in my experience.
Thank you for this thoughtful and helpful post. I’m a juggler, too, I confess, and one of the things I juggle is my labor of love—that is, creating—so we have those two things in common. I have taken your advice to heart.
Thank you for this clarion call to align our lives with our values! I’m glad you’re recovering from the shingles, as well as the lies about self-care and what it can do, how it should look, etc. In my experience, reclaiming or creating for the first time a sense of self-care as self-alignment is a process we must guard vigilantly. It’s so easy to slip back into the unhealthy, unsustainable autopilot mode that creates problems in the first place.
Thanks for the chat. That's what I like about your articles. You cover things I'm already thinking about and you bring in your fresh take and questions. I'm not sure if it is the dark chocolate or potential, but I'm finding that the more I get to a minimalist state, the MORE space I have for more thoughts, more learning, more doing. It seems the more I "downsize" the greater the amplification of my unique imprint. I am happy with fewer things better and able to love the people who need me to pay attention to them.
There are phases in life that you just find yourself juggling too many things. I hope to come closer to the ‘fewer things better’ mindset. That should be soon. 🙏
No doubt, there are some seasons where life makes it nearly impossible to do fewer things better. I feel like our work is to look at what, if anything, we might be adding to that burden. For me, it's often way more than I know I can comfortably handle.
Love the new mantra, Jonathan. The sorting process, you mention, too, the now things, the maybe someday soon things and the maybe never things … super helpful for us all to stop and look at.
Thanks, Gayle. Always thinking about questions or decision-making criteria that might make paths clearer. Following those decisions, that's a whole different story lol
This has got me thinking about the things I’m having to try too hard to make work. My body is tired. My mind hurts from trying to figure it all out. One in particular goes against my values and beliefs about what a healthy relationship looks like. Like other people have said it feeds into the more-more-more cycle. Maybe it’s time to surrender. If I’m meant to be doing them, they will happen.
Yes, I can relate. As a Maker, I’ve spiraled into this. Thanks for the thoughtful post and reminder. btw, your projects are awesome. It’ll be interesting to see which stick.
This is so powerful. Wishing you well! Something similar happened to me.
My work has been my passion so I ended up doing more and more (justifying to myself that it’s ok to work hard if it’s something I am passionate about) while managing a busy household with two young kids.
But I just stopped working early this year when I got surprised diagnosis with 2 chronic illnesses two years in a row. Dropped my work completely to focus on myself and family.
Still figuring out how this all happened and the urge to do more is still there through different forms. It’s been a gift and a learning journey as they brought me closer to wanting to understand spirituality.
So interesting how life sometimes builds in these organic "corrective mechanisms." Constantly dance to find the razor's edge between doing what makes you come alive, and tipping into too much.
What I’ve also experienced is that when you ARE in alignment, self help practices feel totally different.
For example, I’ve been meditating for 10 years but what I’ve realized recently was that most of that time, meditation was reactive, trying to help me survive misalignment.
Only recently has meditation become proactive, where I’m doing it for the sake of the practice, not survival.
—
Love the rule of doing less. I wrote recently about a rule I’ve been following: “default to spaciousness”. When in doubt, choose the path that brings more space into my life.
I’m on an extended sabbatical. I got shingles last year at age 36 — luckily my mom recognized what it was and urged me to go to the doctor before it got bad. The doctor said it could be attributed to stress — but that didn’t make total sense to me. I’m on sabbatical! What do I have to be stressed about? But maybe not working is doing more harm for me than good, because it *is* stressful. I’m in the abyss as David Spinks says. I may have swung the pendulum from gross misalignment to not being aligned with anything, and that’s what caused my body to send up a flare.
For me, it's the near-constant pressure for MORE - more writing, more clients, more savings, more books, more offerings, more posting + replying + engaging, more scaling, more visibility. And this year, my menopause-confused body/brain/Soul just said NO. The question of "what is all this <<waving hands all around>> FOR?" And ever so quietly my Spirit whispers, "Not WHAT, my dear, but WHO." And that begins my inquiry and leads to manswer: the WHO doesn't want more. It actually wants less of EVERYTHING except love, connection, community, and quiet. I'm typing this out for myself and am grateful your post led me here again, Jonathan. 🙏💗
Yep, I feel that "more drive," too. And often what what is driving it in me. Love your analysis!
Exactly, menopause can bring such great change and insight, if we let it:).
FACTS. We can't self care ourselves out of a systemic oppression & near constant exploitation. It has taken me forever, and I certainly need tune ups now and again, to integrate the "less is more," "one task at a time," "slow is fast" wisdom. I clocked three hours of molding on the couch this weekend before I shook the impulse to check my phone and for my somewhat dormant imagination to kick back in. Staring at a tree is my number one relaxation task and go to remedy.
Our nervous systems always win. ;-)
This! Totally agree Shelley. The whole “self care” movement is usually so individualistic and completely bypasses systemic and structural oppression. I do love with Audre Lorde’s take ““Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare’
Another staring at a tree fan here:).
I can resonate with this deeply being someone whose work is so meaningful and often doesn’t feel like “work”. And yet too many things is too many things. Your body will always tell the truth though. I think often of a friend who told me one day, “You know, Tanmeet, just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you have to.” I try to reflect on that but it doesn’t always sink in!
As Bessel Van de Kolk so wisely said, the body keeps the score.
Exactly. I speak of his work to my patients often and I remind them that he and others taught us that trauma lives in our body. But then I remind them of something I’ve realized in my work, that’s also where it heals.
Your body will always feel like truth!!! 🙏🏻❤️
Right Lisa? For me this is the crux of my work in mental health and embodied non toxic wellness. Follow your body’s signals. It seems you message every day. ❤️
There is a lot of pressure to be ok all the time- especially as a public figure I would imagine. I live in a beautiful mountain community with lots of friends. But the struggle and the work is real. My Neuro systems need to be quiet and alone. My soul craves companionship. But there are moments of peace. Thanks for your story.
Well said, it's not always an easy dance, but a worthy one.
It is- thank you for sharing your vulnerability and wisdom
Yes completely agree, Jonathan! Self-care can often keep us going with the charade of overworking rather than stopping and reprioritising sooner. At least that was true in my experience.
You, me, and so many others, The struggle is real!
Thank you for this thoughtful and helpful post. I’m a juggler, too, I confess, and one of the things I juggle is my labor of love—that is, creating—so we have those two things in common. I have taken your advice to heart.
Agreed, juggling, even if it's good things, still has a cost.
Thank you for this clarion call to align our lives with our values! I’m glad you’re recovering from the shingles, as well as the lies about self-care and what it can do, how it should look, etc. In my experience, reclaiming or creating for the first time a sense of self-care as self-alignment is a process we must guard vigilantly. It’s so easy to slip back into the unhealthy, unsustainable autopilot mode that creates problems in the first place.
"reclaiming or creating for the first time a sense of self-care as self-alignment is a process we must guard vigilantly." #this!
Thank you, Jonathan!
Thanks for the chat. That's what I like about your articles. You cover things I'm already thinking about and you bring in your fresh take and questions. I'm not sure if it is the dark chocolate or potential, but I'm finding that the more I get to a minimalist state, the MORE space I have for more thoughts, more learning, more doing. It seems the more I "downsize" the greater the amplification of my unique imprint. I am happy with fewer things better and able to love the people who need me to pay attention to them.
Such a lovely frame - "chat." Really interesting thought on minimalism in this context, I'll be thinking about that. Thanks!
There are phases in life that you just find yourself juggling too many things. I hope to come closer to the ‘fewer things better’ mindset. That should be soon. 🙏
No doubt, there are some seasons where life makes it nearly impossible to do fewer things better. I feel like our work is to look at what, if anything, we might be adding to that burden. For me, it's often way more than I know I can comfortably handle.
Love the new mantra, Jonathan. The sorting process, you mention, too, the now things, the maybe someday soon things and the maybe never things … super helpful for us all to stop and look at.
Thanks, Gayle. Always thinking about questions or decision-making criteria that might make paths clearer. Following those decisions, that's a whole different story lol
i like those two mantras a lot.
Glad they helped!
This has got me thinking about the things I’m having to try too hard to make work. My body is tired. My mind hurts from trying to figure it all out. One in particular goes against my values and beliefs about what a healthy relationship looks like. Like other people have said it feeds into the more-more-more cycle. Maybe it’s time to surrender. If I’m meant to be doing them, they will happen.
It's interesting how sometimes surrender is the thing that signals our greatest devotion to what's truly right and good in life.
Yes, I can relate. As a Maker, I’ve spiraled into this. Thanks for the thoughtful post and reminder. btw, your projects are awesome. It’ll be interesting to see which stick.
I think we've all been there. It's the potential dark-side of a very process-driven impulse for expression.
Really thoughtful post and one I will reflect on, thank you for sharing
So glad it's worthy of reflection!
This is so powerful. Wishing you well! Something similar happened to me.
My work has been my passion so I ended up doing more and more (justifying to myself that it’s ok to work hard if it’s something I am passionate about) while managing a busy household with two young kids.
But I just stopped working early this year when I got surprised diagnosis with 2 chronic illnesses two years in a row. Dropped my work completely to focus on myself and family.
Still figuring out how this all happened and the urge to do more is still there through different forms. It’s been a gift and a learning journey as they brought me closer to wanting to understand spirituality.
So interesting how life sometimes builds in these organic "corrective mechanisms." Constantly dance to find the razor's edge between doing what makes you come alive, and tipping into too much.
Beautiful and thoughtful! Hope you find the balance in this season of your life.
In a way, this climate crisis is also a doing more, wanting more crisis. We all need to find ways to do less and want less.
This is so well said.
What I’ve also experienced is that when you ARE in alignment, self help practices feel totally different.
For example, I’ve been meditating for 10 years but what I’ve realized recently was that most of that time, meditation was reactive, trying to help me survive misalignment.
Only recently has meditation become proactive, where I’m doing it for the sake of the practice, not survival.
—
Love the rule of doing less. I wrote recently about a rule I’ve been following: “default to spaciousness”. When in doubt, choose the path that brings more space into my life.
I’m on an extended sabbatical. I got shingles last year at age 36 — luckily my mom recognized what it was and urged me to go to the doctor before it got bad. The doctor said it could be attributed to stress — but that didn’t make total sense to me. I’m on sabbatical! What do I have to be stressed about? But maybe not working is doing more harm for me than good, because it *is* stressful. I’m in the abyss as David Spinks says. I may have swung the pendulum from gross misalignment to not being aligned with anything, and that’s what caused my body to send up a flare.