34 Comments

This post really resonated with me. As the primary income earner and benefits holder, there are a hundred reasons why I should stay in my lane. But here I am, not just exiting my lane, but taking a full detour. I left my job a few months ago and am building my own business in a completely new to me field. I bet on others often and this time I bet on me. No regrets.

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You're right, there are often so many perfectly reasonable and rational reasons, Shelly. Then there's the soul's calling. Such an interesting dance. Can't wait to hear how the new endeavor goes!

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Growing up female in a patriarchical family, I learned the lesson of staying in my own lane early. Diversions from it never ended well for me. Now in my last third of life, I've begun switching lanes whenever I want to and loving it. My new mantra? "I'm too old for this shit." It pairs well with "That's your problem" and "Not my monkeys, not my circus."

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Love that mantra! Actually, love all of them. ;-)

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Exactly! I am almost 63 and I am no longer willing to keep the status quo.

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Your work, research, curiosity, enlivens my outlook and participation in life. I say, do whatever lights you up, renaissance person!

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Thanks for the kind words, LC. Working on doing more of what lights me up.

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I hear you! Going through something similar myself though on a lesser scale.

Yours is a courageous step out of a comfort zone (the 'lane') that, in effect, doesn't seem too cosy a place. You've clearly achieved and built wonderful things, also courageously, and continue to do so, but these successes seem to have had a personal cost alongside significant gains and career satisfaction.

Or if that's too harsh, then they have supressed a part of you which is now apparently desperate to be freed.

So you're taking the risk, sharing a vulnerable aspect (very encouraging for readers/writers here, myself included, who are also only just about finding their voice, for similar and similarly complex lane and driving-related reasons).

But I also wonder if what attracted you to the fiction challenge is not also the same drive for achieving something amazing (regardless of how the novel would turn out - surely there is something awe-inspiring in the attempt itself?)

Or maybe, even so, this risk taking is a moment of opportunity to get closer to what makes you, 'you'. The thing that makes you tick.

Anyway - really enjoyed your post, from the hard shoulder perspective of my own lane :)

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Such wise words, Artemisia. You're right, there has been a personal cost. One I'm sometimes very okay making, because there's also a complementary and disproportionate benefit, and I'm good making the trade-off. But, I'm in a space of re-examining it all now, and it feels good. Alive, even. As you say, closer to the thing that makes me most me.

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What if "staying in your lane" means as a maker, making your own lane? I'm a maker and career wise, I have been a web developer & graphic designer, an instructor, digital storytelling facilitator, cancer educator, eLearning developer, entrepreneur, and now I'm doing program development. My friends who have been in the same career all their adult life, I use to be envious of. Friends who stayed in the same job for 20-30 years, I use to wonder why I couldn't do that. Then I've been slowly making peace with the fact, I like to make things: develop programs, learnings, stories, etc., and once they are made (some of these took years to do), then I move on, that is my lane, and although I struggle with it, I'm glad my lane is this way, I've met so many wonderful people in so many different places, and have learned so many things - it's humbling, scary, and exciting all at once.

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No doubt, this can be one approach, Laura. I look at the legendary Ray and Charles Eames as examples. They weren't just iconic furniture designers, which most folks know them as, they had a style, an approach, a sense of generative taste, and an ability to solve problems in unique ways that made them incredibly different, and in demand. Beyond furniture, they made art, movies, even designed splints for injured soldiers and so much more.

That said, I'm also cautious about using extreme outliers, like them, as exemplars. Many people have tried the same approach, and the vast majority have not been able to create a clear enough signal in the marketplace about who they were, and what they had to offer that people couldn't understand how, why, or when to hire them.

As always, it's a dance.

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I agree it is a fine dance, sometimes it's a waltz, other times like a tango :) What I like about this post of yours, it really gives you something to think about whether your lane is narrow or wide, or are you even in a lane LOL Someone I admire, who I think had a wide lane was Tony Bennett. He successful in doing many things: singer, painter, arts educator, and was to sing in so many styles. I think we do have lanes, but how we do that lane is in our style. Thanks for the great post and conversation!

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Such a great example with Tony. One of things I notice about people like him, or similar renowned physicist and professor, Richard Feynman, who was also a painter much later in his life, is that they often stay in one lane long enough to gain acclaim, then, add lanes.

This early, narrow focus leads to enough status, money, or confidence to effectively "buy" them the freedom or forbearance to explore adding on other channels. More often than not, the added lanes don't happen until they've really established themselves in one. Don't know if that was Tony's story, but it's a pattern I've seen so many times.

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Jonathan, this one sentence explained so perfectly what I was feeling last year - "It’s that it’s become overly-known to me." That nagging feeling has led me to explore painting instead of continuing to work with fiber. Maybe one day circle back by combining the two. Thank you for sharing the conundrum we Makers face.

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So glad that resonated, Lesley. It's been a really fascinating, and recurring experience, in my life. When you're a Maker. stay in the known lane for too long tends to lead to a fair bit of unhappiness.

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I can resonate with all of this SO MUCH. I'm also an entrepreneur and have struggled with this extensively. I believe, in my heart of hearts, in following the breadcrumbs of our curiosity, of what's nudging us. I believe that's our heart's calling.

Doing that helped me to write and find a publisher for my first book last year, and to grow my own Substack community as well, even though my logical mind felt like it didn't quite "compute" with my business. I was so afraid it was going to make me appear "all over the place." But that was not the case as well- and in fact- it has been quite the opposite. It helped my business soar to new heights, while also injecting a whole new level of fulfillment and joy into my life.

It's a leap of faith to do what we are called to do- even when it appears to make no money, or no sense. We wonder what everyone is going to say about us.

But that's where the gold is- or at least it has been in my own life and business.

Again, thanks for sharing this.

I wrote a couple of short reflections about grappling with this very thing. Just sharing in case you or anyone else might want to read reflections in a similar vein. 💖

https://rhondalinn.substack.com/p/soaring-across-the-ice

https://rhondalinn.substack.com/p/from-the-berry-brambles

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So glad this landed. Part of what I've learned is that it can be done, but it's often the harder path to hold a lane that's wide enough for you to explore a diversity of interests, and still have people understand how you might provide value. In a way, I've done that with the Good Life Project show, brand, and community. It's a big umbrella that has let me explore a wide array of curiosities for more than a dozen years. And, I've stayed with it long enough for the community to be big enough to make it all sustainable. That said, I also know that I could've grown something probably 10-times faster had I chosen to define a much clearer focus and value proposition. Trade-offs, always.

I do still believe that if wanting or needing to, in some way be compensated for our work isn't a meaningful part, that's amazing, widen away. But once we need to find a "market" (I really don't like that word), making who we are and what we have to share easier to understand also becomes a part of the work. And a part of that ease comes from the experience or narrowing. Not always, but it's one big way.

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I think it's great that you said yes to the Nanowrimo, Jonathan!

Personally, I don't like the idea of having to choose one lane and stay in it. Neither for myself, nor for the creators I follow and appreciate. Once I've been touched by someone's work, I look forward to all the other work they create - be it non-fiction, literature, poetry, music, painting, whatever it is. What attracts and captivates me is their personality, their perspective, the unique path they are travelling, not the lane they are (currently) in.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts in this newsletter on top of everything else you do - I look forward to every single issue.

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Thanks, Sarah. Nano was so much fun, until it pretty much got felled by other big projects and deadlines. That said, I am still committed to circling back to what I started and finishing that ugly first draft. In part, just because I want to see what happens to the characters and the world.

And, I love how you feel more connected to more of the person and their lens, rather than the channel, genre, or lane.

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I feel the pressure to “stay in my lane” right now, but it’s because I haven’t finished birthing what needs to be birthed in this chapter of my life and career so that it has staying power, for when I want to change lanes. I’ve admired your Sparketypes for years, including even saying “I want little icons like the Sparketypes to associate with every business model” in my upcoming book.

But I can also see that this chapter will reach a crescendo, a harvest in the next two years and then I feel like I can switch lanes with integrity to what I want to build.

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I so get this, Jessica. This is part of what I'm working with right now as well. Mid-creation, can see the end, but also being tugged in new ways into different realms. Love that you have a defined time for harvest. I often have that and, if it get closer and it looks like it's not going to happen, then it's time to do some rethinking.

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Make your one lane wider

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“It’s that it’s becoming overly-known to me.” YES. Working through the Sparketype program surfaced that realization for me as well. A 20+ year career has been amazing and has given me so much, but I have reached a point where I feel it has given me everything it could, and vice versa. I needed this epiphany in order to be at peace with my own lane change.

As a lover or metaphors and road trips, I think this is the perfect way to think about life in general. We were all put on a journey that is uniquely ours. None of us know exactly where it is taking us. It can be tempting to watch the other drivers around us and just follow them in order to ease anxiety when the unknown feels overwhelming. Eventually though, that feels incompatible with our inner compass because we’ve strayed from the journey that has been created for us. Ultimately we may not know here it ends, and we don’t typically do well with the unknown, but we were also given these little inner compasses to know we’re heading in the right direction. To me, the direction is your purpose, the compass is your Sparkeytpe, and there will always be more than one way to arrive at your destination. That’s the best part of a road trip. As long as you have good snacks, good music and good company you’re in great shape and you’ll make it there eventually.

Excited to see where this lane heads for you!

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Such great insights here, Emily. And I love that the Sparketypes have helped surface realizations. Love the metaphor of the road trip, too!

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Playing with what that might look like, Victoria. Time'll tell.

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I'm a Warrior Sparketype and jumped lanes 6 months ago. I paused the external measurements of my "known" lane and examined what is most important now.

It's been ALL the wonderful and challenging things you described. And more!

*Shout out to coach Cynthia Morris for heading up my pit crew 🙌 🏎🏁

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Love this, Carolyn. And double shout out to Cynthia Morris, she's awesome!

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Makes me think of the fox and hedgehog question. Some people can be amazing at many things- but they’ll only find out if they gave them a try. You don’t want go to your grave regretting you never tried writing fiction. And no one say a) you have try publishing it and b) you have to be as good at it as the best in the field. But you should enjoy at least some of it.

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So agree. I think for me, its more about squaring the desire to do many things, and trust that I can be pretty solid at a bunch of them and find a lot of joy along the way with the entrepreneurial knowledge that, if at some point, commerce is involved, part of that equation is that it's no longer entirely my decision. And therein lies the tension for so many Makers.

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At 62, I've stayed in my lane my entire life. I did what I was told, but no more. Staying in your lane is bullshit advice and grossly overrated. I recommend you write that fiction book.

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Ha! Love it, Shelly. More fiction is definitely on the horizon this year, once I clear a bit more off my plate. Thanks for the encouragement.

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It's really difficult to step out of our lanes, especially if we've found success in the lane we're currently in. I've had the opportunity to take the off-ramp a few times in my career and ultimately talked myself back into my lane and always regretted it.

Even at this minute, I'm trying to change lanes but the doubt is dogging at my heels. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'm doing it!

Thanks for the push Jonathan.

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So true, Danielle. You make such an important, nuanced point, sometimes finding success in one lane can keep us feeling bound to it. The classic golden handcuffs. Excited to hear about the current lane change. Keep us in the loop. :-)

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I think it's necessary to step out of your comfort zone from time to time, and embrace the newbie mindset. There's healthy humility and fresh insights to be harvested, that can only be achieved by daring to be vulnerable. To quote Brené Brown: vulnerability is the key to creativity and wholehearted living. Keep diving into the unknown and have fun creating your fiction! You won't regret having tried.

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