Thanks for leaving some gaps, Jonathan! The first thing that came to my mind when reading your post was leadership. We have to leave room for everyone to contribute in order to get to the best possible results. And that requires vulnerability and trust. Which means we have to put our ego behind us and part from the learned patterns that have shaped over years of education and practice.
This is so validating to my experience and approach. I work in medicine (trained to dot all i's & cross all t's) and have a coaching practice on the side. Over the years, I've shifted from fixing, knowing, and covering every angle toward creating a container, being curious, providing safe space, and fostering inquiry. It has taken so much stress and alleged control away from my mind, and my connections are authentic - even fun. What a concept! Leaving room for each of us to breathe, grow, feel, and just be, I love my work now. Thank you for helping me think about this and articulate what's going on.
Thanks for bringing in your experience in medicine and coaching, Tricia. There are definitely fields and domains where we're taught to be as rigorous and comprehensive as possible, like medicine and law. And, I think it's not about throwing any of that out, but rather exploring how it feels to bring more of the experience of the ultimate recipient of our care into it.
Thank you, I needed to read this. I am definitely guilty of putting off writing because I want to make sure I’ve covered every angle and feel it is complete. I shall take this on board, thank you!
Not sure why but I thought about the folk story, Stone Soup. Do you know it? Each member of the community brings an ingredient so that everyone will be nourished. It begins with water and a stone. There’s something beautiful and empowering about communal creativity and artistic expression and experience. And Maggie Smith is wonderful sustenance too. Thank you, Jonathan! Food for thought here.
Good points here. Totally agree. It has taken me Many months to release the need for completeness in favor of granting readers more freedom. And no doubt my need for complete control stemmed from 50 years of writing briefs. It is so freeing to let it go. If the reader gets it then good for them! If not, at least I invited them to the party!😂
No doubt, all that training and practice has served you incredibly well, David. And, it's also nice to be able to create a bit more space for freedom and contribution in our work.
I love reading your posts! I always learn something and I have to say I too try to close every single gap when I’m writing - I think because I’m worried how it will land with readers - what if they think I mean something I don’t, what if they don’t agree, etc, etc. I also think this is a big reason why I keep talking about writing instead of actually writing. Thank you again for a thoughtful post, and I just have to note that there’s one typo - in the second paragraph under “Wake-Up Call” it says “…your concerned” and it should be “you’re concerned…” :)
Thank you for this. I’m feeling the same in terms of how I show up and offer my work in the world. I want to create containers for people to have their own experiences - to fill in their own gaps. And yet, I still so often feel the need to fill the space with all the things. It is definitely a work in progress.
As so often Jonathan your post resonates strongly.
Leaving space is such a richer, more beneficial engagement for all parties. Yet it's often actively planned out or removed. Somehow in order to make things more complete, more efficient, more certain.
I recall in my coaching (sport) training being asked to create session plans for activities. Every minute would be expected to be accounted for. Then the penny dropped. Creating the space for unplanned time, whilst daunting for it to be unknown, allowed the sessions to breathe. It gave the athletes the invitation to participate and develop the session rather than be fixed. More deeply, they created their own relationships to the session and activity. Bringing multiple more viewpoints and creativity than I could possibly do on my own.
Is it perhaps mostly about the individual relationships with the material. Is a song really a song whilst it's on the paper or only once it is sung or played? Is a meal only a meal once its tasted?
Writing "becomes" when it's read and the reader develops their own personal relationship perhaps?
“What if we offered something (could even be your heart) in a way that is as close to truth as possible, hold loose the reigns, and let others in to add to it, remix it, and let it land in their hearts and mind in the way that feels most right for them.”
You’ve just encapsulated the approach to writing I’ve been feeling my way toward. How to be vulnerable and honest AND give something of value AND leave windows open? Hoping someday to find out . . .
Thank you for this; you are so right. That desire to be "in the know" is very familiar to me. I write a small newsletter once a month and sometimes I get comments; I will look at this in a different way now and see if I have left some gaps. It also reminds me of this quote that came through James Clear's email this week. Between us all we make a whole
Writer and scholar C.S. Lewis on what friends bring out in each other:
"If, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but "A's part in C," while C loses not only A but "A's part in B." In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets."
Source: The Four Loves (hat tip to Dylan O'Sullivan)
I’m sorry to ask this, but I don’t really know what you mean in practical terms. Everyone here seems to understand but me!! I feel like such an idiot but can someone give me an example ?? What would it look like to have a piece of writing or artwork that allows someone to contribute in the sense that you describe? Isn’t art work or writing always like that ? I put something out there and the viewer/ reader responds. It always happens
Thanks for leaving some gaps, Jonathan! The first thing that came to my mind when reading your post was leadership. We have to leave room for everyone to contribute in order to get to the best possible results. And that requires vulnerability and trust. Which means we have to put our ego behind us and part from the learned patterns that have shaped over years of education and practice.
great point, Benjamin. The idea really does extend to all parts of work and life. And, yes, vulnerability and trust are a big part of it.
This is so validating to my experience and approach. I work in medicine (trained to dot all i's & cross all t's) and have a coaching practice on the side. Over the years, I've shifted from fixing, knowing, and covering every angle toward creating a container, being curious, providing safe space, and fostering inquiry. It has taken so much stress and alleged control away from my mind, and my connections are authentic - even fun. What a concept! Leaving room for each of us to breathe, grow, feel, and just be, I love my work now. Thank you for helping me think about this and articulate what's going on.
Thanks for bringing in your experience in medicine and coaching, Tricia. There are definitely fields and domains where we're taught to be as rigorous and comprehensive as possible, like medicine and law. And, I think it's not about throwing any of that out, but rather exploring how it feels to bring more of the experience of the ultimate recipient of our care into it.
It is more rewarding in that light, for sure.
Thanks this is helpful.
Thank you, I needed to read this. I am definitely guilty of putting off writing because I want to make sure I’ve covered every angle and feel it is complete. I shall take this on board, thank you!
Glad it's helpful, Karen.
How to write, speak, shush?
Does it harm, help? Does it serve?
How much is enough?
Love, as always, Marisol.
Not sure why but I thought about the folk story, Stone Soup. Do you know it? Each member of the community brings an ingredient so that everyone will be nourished. It begins with water and a stone. There’s something beautiful and empowering about communal creativity and artistic expression and experience. And Maggie Smith is wonderful sustenance too. Thank you, Jonathan! Food for thought here.
Oh yes, thanks for bringing back that folk story. Hadn't heard it since I was a kid.
You’re welcome ☺️
Good points here. Totally agree. It has taken me Many months to release the need for completeness in favor of granting readers more freedom. And no doubt my need for complete control stemmed from 50 years of writing briefs. It is so freeing to let it go. If the reader gets it then good for them! If not, at least I invited them to the party!😂
No doubt, all that training and practice has served you incredibly well, David. And, it's also nice to be able to create a bit more space for freedom and contribution in our work.
I love reading your posts! I always learn something and I have to say I too try to close every single gap when I’m writing - I think because I’m worried how it will land with readers - what if they think I mean something I don’t, what if they don’t agree, etc, etc. I also think this is a big reason why I keep talking about writing instead of actually writing. Thank you again for a thoughtful post, and I just have to note that there’s one typo - in the second paragraph under “Wake-Up Call” it says “…your concerned” and it should be “you’re concerned…” :)
So glad these ideas feel good to you, Shawna. And thanks for the typo catch, on it!
It is just what I needed to hear today.
So glad it's what you needed to hear today, Liza.
Thank you for this. I’m feeling the same in terms of how I show up and offer my work in the world. I want to create containers for people to have their own experiences - to fill in their own gaps. And yet, I still so often feel the need to fill the space with all the things. It is definitely a work in progress.
As so often Jonathan your post resonates strongly.
Leaving space is such a richer, more beneficial engagement for all parties. Yet it's often actively planned out or removed. Somehow in order to make things more complete, more efficient, more certain.
I recall in my coaching (sport) training being asked to create session plans for activities. Every minute would be expected to be accounted for. Then the penny dropped. Creating the space for unplanned time, whilst daunting for it to be unknown, allowed the sessions to breathe. It gave the athletes the invitation to participate and develop the session rather than be fixed. More deeply, they created their own relationships to the session and activity. Bringing multiple more viewpoints and creativity than I could possibly do on my own.
Is it perhaps mostly about the individual relationships with the material. Is a song really a song whilst it's on the paper or only once it is sung or played? Is a meal only a meal once its tasted?
Writing "becomes" when it's read and the reader develops their own personal relationship perhaps?
https://open.substack.com/pub/restlessmumma/p/a-16-mile-run-with-3-kids-are-we?r=2bcxg7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
"It’s an unfamiliar experience, to be lived and enjoyed, not a set of logistical hurdles to be worked through."
Your post made me think of this one I read and the above quote I extracted (sorry not sure etiquette, technique etc of cross sharing?).
Somehow leaving space resonates for me as not trying to get everything correct and be 100% certain.
“What if we offered something (could even be your heart) in a way that is as close to truth as possible, hold loose the reigns, and let others in to add to it, remix it, and let it land in their hearts and mind in the way that feels most right for them.”
You’ve just encapsulated the approach to writing I’ve been feeling my way toward. How to be vulnerable and honest AND give something of value AND leave windows open? Hoping someday to find out . . .
Thank you for this; you are so right. That desire to be "in the know" is very familiar to me. I write a small newsletter once a month and sometimes I get comments; I will look at this in a different way now and see if I have left some gaps. It also reminds me of this quote that came through James Clear's email this week. Between us all we make a whole
Writer and scholar C.S. Lewis on what friends bring out in each other:
"If, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but "A's part in C," while C loses not only A but "A's part in B." In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets."
Source: The Four Loves (hat tip to Dylan O'Sullivan)
I’m sorry to ask this, but I don’t really know what you mean in practical terms. Everyone here seems to understand but me!! I feel like such an idiot but can someone give me an example ?? What would it look like to have a piece of writing or artwork that allows someone to contribute in the sense that you describe? Isn’t art work or writing always like that ? I put something out there and the viewer/ reader responds. It always happens