Just because you're wrecked doesn’t mean you're worthless.

Wake-Up Call #58

You know you’re getting up there, when the eyebrows start to gray.

We all go through hard times.

Moments or even seasons that make it difficult to breathe. Experiences that wreck us. Though we often don’t share the level of inner carnage with those around us, ‘til we’re through them.

Many times, the slide into the abyss is incited by some external circumstance. Things happening to us. And, no, not like the self-help trope says, “for us.” Sorry, sometimes hard things are just, well, hard.

But, here’s where it gets weird and, potentially, interesting…

No matter the outer happening that brought us to our knees, the weighted emo vest that grinds us deeper into the dirt is often what tends to happen on the inside.

The understandable and common fear that the situation, and the feeling will never end. The anxiety about what the future might, or will never again hold. The paralysis that accompanies the flattening. The cynicism, and loss of hope. The compounding effect that keeps you from doing pretty much anything to move from being leveled to being able to breathe, and, eventually, being okay.

But, maybe, most insipid is the way we delude ourselves into thinking that, in the process of being steamrolled, our worth, any value we might have to offer, to ourselves or others, has been squeegeed out of us.

In those darkest of moments, our brains say, “you can’t even figure out how to take care of yourself, you’re worthless. How on Earth do you think you could have anything to offer anyone else? And, why would someone trust or want what you have to offer, given your current demise?”

To be clear, this isn’t about saying you “have” to serve others when you’re struggling to find a way through your own morass. It’s more about the trick your brain plays, telling you that, “sure, three weeks ago, you had stunning worth, value to many, but now, nope, not so much, it’s all gone. Might never come back.” That is the paralytic pile-on I’m talking about.

And, it’s an outright lie.

One that often stop us from doing one of the very things that are most likely to bring us back to life. One that keeps us from acknowledging the fundamental value of our existence. Of our humanity. Of our history. Of our heart and mind.

Yes, you may be riding the wheel well seat on the big yellow struggle bus, but your skill, your experience, your lens, your taste, your insight, your essence have not left you. They may have been pushed to back into the cobwebs of your psyche, but they’re still there, just waiting for you to bring them back online. Or, at a minimum, to remember they’re still there.

Sometimes, even in the gentlest, tiniest, most protected of ways, reclaiming and centering this buried knowing is the thing that brings us back from the brink. Often, the act of turning it even a tiny bit loose, on ourselves or others, even when we doubt we really can and when we’re just trying to make it through the day, reminds us, oh right, that thing that makes me most me, and that I and other humans love and value? Still there.

Also, side benefit, the moment we turn our energy toward others, we begin to pry loose neuroses’ death grip. We give ourselves a moment, maybe even a few minutes or hours, where we’re not spinning in the ever-deepening sludge of our own demise. Replaced by showing up in a way that forces us out of our heads, and into the world. Where the light of gratitude finds it’s way through the cracks in the door of defeat and reminds us, “yep, goodness, value, worth, humanity…intact.”

Here’s what’s real for me…

On those occasions where I find myself in a hard place, the fact that I’m struggling doesn’t negate the the truth of my worth, even if, for the moment, I choose not to turn it loose in service of others.

Sure, it may make sense to pull back from being outflow oriented, from being so forward facing or service focused, largely as a way to preserve your sanity. As a form of self-care. But that’s different from believing the merciless inner-lie that says you no longer have anything real to offer, and maybe never will.

You haven’t lost your mojo, you’ve simply given it a new, short-term job. To help you find a way back into the light. To help you breathe. To help you heal.

So, if you’re going through it right now. And, there’s some inner voice that’s saying, “who are you to help others, to consult, coach, create, write, lead, advise, serve, or solve when you can’t even [insert personal challenge]?” Or, if that voice is coming from others?

Please know, you may feel wrecked in some domain of your current experience, but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost your worth, your value, your skill or ability. It’s there, always was, always will be, if and when you’re ready to bring it back online. First, in service of you, then, maybe, when right, for others.

With a whole lotta love & gratitude,

Jonathan

PS - When I write pieces like this, folks sometimes and ask if I’m okay. I am. While it’s not everyone’s style, I tend to write from the scar, not the wound. So, if it’s here, safe bet, I’m largely on the other side. Sometimes, by a matter of years. Or, my thoughts might be more a reflection of what someone close to me is going through, along with my counsel to them (sage or silly, who knows). Either way, yes, like you, I experience the full sweep of life, all the emotions, struggle, and hopefully growth it brings. Which is why, when I say “with a whole lotta love & gratitude,” I mean it. We’re in this dance together.

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Wake-Up Call #58 | Surface your worth.

Maybe you’re cruising right now. Maybe you’re going through it.

If, for any reason, you’re in a moment where you’re doubting your worth, your ability to offer value, especially value you used to lead with, but now struggle to center, please know that’s okay.

You’re human. It’s still in there. Always will be. Sometimes we just need to focus our energy inward on understanding and healing, and there’s no bandwidth available for outflow. You do you.

And, if and when you feel ready, maybe explore sharing who you are, what you see, feel and know, in an easy, forgiving, low-stakes way. To remind yourself, it’s still in there, and it’s okay to let it out in gentle, ease-filled ways, where judgment is off the table. As a reminder of who you are, and the capacity to make a difference that remains inside you. Even if that difference is to a flower in a garden, a stranger at a diner, or the kind person delivering your dinner.

As always, think on it, feel into it, walk with it, and if you’re inclined, share what’s going through your mind the comments. What’s been your experience with this? How might you begin to surface your value again, in the even the most low-key ways? What am I missing? Add to the convo. And check in to read what others are sharing Let’s learn and grow together.