When feeling all the feels, forgive your humanity.

Wake Up Call #33

Been reflecting on this insight from Pearl S. Buck...

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

Buck’s words describe my waking existence. 

I’ve sat with them many times over the years but always focused on the latter parts. The maker’s creed that speaks to my “overpowering necessity to create, create, create.” 

That’s me. I am a Maker. It’s not a choice, it’s a genetic mandate. I make ideas manifest. It's what I’ve done from my earliest memories. 

But, as so often happens…

Words land differently in relation to the moment they inhabit.

So it is now. Where my mind tracks not to the creation part, but the sensitivity part. The observation that creative minds are “born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.”

This, too, is my reality.

I feel things. A lot. Always have, always will. Learned to harness emotion as fuel for creation. And, now, I feel on a whole different level. In part, because I’m moving through a moment, a season even, of re-examining and change. Maybe, if I’m brave enough, and that’s a big question, rebirth. At least partial. And that’s disruptive. But, also, because the internal metamorphosis that’s been set in motion is unfolding within a larger context of disruption.

Creation always involves destruction and uncertainty, there is no possibility without these discomforting psychic bedfellows.

Truth is, maker or not, whether we’re falling into a chrysalis of our own making, or simply exploring any given creative process, we will all have moments unique to the circumstance of our lives where we’ll find ourselves bombarded with system-overloading groundlessness and sensation.

When that happens, the sensitivity Buck speaks of tends to consume more emotional and cognitive bandwidth than usual. At least for me, it leaves less of my brain available to create. Which irks me, because during these experiences, I need access to my generative side more than ever. Not only to solve, serve, make and elevate but on a more primal level, to be most fully me. 

What to do?

I can’t tell you what will work for you, but I can share what often works for me.

Three offerings:

Reclaim what brings you home to yourself.

Re-examine the practices, actions, activities, relationships, tools, and techniques that have allowed you to access your best, most present, generous, generative, and true self in the past. Make a list, then step back into the things that let you get as close to that expression as possible.

For me, movement, nature, meditation, pranayama, writing, making, refining my nutrition, dedicating time to reflect (even when I don’t believe I have it), listening to music that transports me, sharing myself with a very small group of people I trust and asking for help lets me come home to myself.

Forgive your humanity.

The above can help, but it’s also not likely to get you entirely “back.” Even after reclaiming the people and practices of homecoming, we will likely still be affected on some level by the weight, the complexity and uncertainty of a moment. Sensitive beasties we are.

It may show up as ease of agitation, diminished capacity or just an elevated level of baseline stupefaction that in some way lowers the cap on our capabilities. That’s okay. We’re human. We’re all in this together.

We feel, because we are alive, which is at times sublime, and other times, an act of devastation.

That can and will affect how you show up in your life and what you’re able to offer at any given moment. Placing a seeming cap on what you know yourself to be capable of being, and doing. It’s disconcerting, but also entirely expected, and okay.

This cause and effect, long as it may last, hard as it may be to endure, is temporary. The fact that you’re experiencing it doesn’t make you broken, it makes you human. And it will pass. Forgive your imperfection, your falling apart, your inability to think or feel as clearly as usual.

You, my friend, are a gloriously, brutally, sentient and sensory being. The only way to avoid these passing glitches in the system is to stop allowing yourself to feel. And, that is a fate far worse than letting in the world, and knowing it will affect you. Until then...

Live into each moment.

Wake up every day, be as true as you can to who you know yourself to be, and what you profess to be important.

Take each moment as it comes. Do the best you can, and know that’s your only metric for success.

Not the best you’ve ever done, nor the best you hoped you’d be able to harness. But, simply, the best that is available to you as you live as fully as you can into the moment you’re in.

Live the life you know in your bones to be yours, not the one thrust upon you by the delusion of nostalgia or the weight of expectation.

As Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer said, sometimes it’s about letting go of trying to be good, and just trying to be true.

Show up. That’s enough. You’re enough.

With a whole lotta love & gratitude,

Jonathan

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Wake-Up Call #33 | Come home to yourself

Maybe you’re working on a new idea or creative pursuit. Maybe you’re struggling with a relationship, or a time of year that brings hard feelings. Maybe the world feels tender, and so do you.

Take a little time to just be with those feelings. Acknowledge they’re real. It can be a challenging time of year for many. Or, a challenging season, project, or moment of life.

Explore the three offerings above. Take baby steps. Bring those experiences, practices, and people close to you. Invite those you know will show up for you, even if that’s an animal, wave, or a tree (all sentient beings, in my mind). And forgive the gap between how you hoped you’d show up and things would unfold, and what is possible at this moment in time.

The more we can keep returning to ourselves during a process of personal, professional, or creative reawakening, the more alive and at-peace the experience becomes.

Think on it, noodle on it, walk with it, and, if you’re inclined, share what’s on your mind in the comments.

PS - I know this time of year can be hard for many. If that’s you, and the heaviness is intruding in your life in a meaningful way, be kind to yourself, seek comfort from friends, and, if needed, guidance from someone properly qualified (a mental health professional, faith leader, etc) to help you navigate the moment you’re in.

Big love!