The Unbusy Manifesto: Break Free From Reactive Life Syndrome

Wake-Up Call #28

Oct 27, 2024

These are just so me. Also, how did the space between my eyebrows get cross-bred with a Shar-Pei puppy?!?!

When exactly did it happen?

That moment...

When did we stop CHOOSING our lives, and begin DEFAULTING to them.

Half-living each day as a reaction to the constant barrage of never-ending to-do lists, social obligations, work functions, status updates, and more? Pummeled by reactive, autopilot busyness, rather than living life as an expression of who we really are. Of what matters most. Of that delicious, brilliant, soulful, and vital part of us that yearns not only to see the light of day, but also to be seen. To be heard. To be relished, loved, embraced, held. Celebrated.

When was the moment...

Where we walked away from what we once dreamed of being and becoming and the life we dreamed of living. Ceding the quest to “craft” an existence with intention to breathlessly try not to crumble, while we do all we can to not fall too far behind.

Getting ahead? In our dreams.

Truth is, for most of us, there wasn’t a single moment. That’s what makes it so insidious. Maybe if there was a big decision, a single happening where we were presented with a choice; to live reactively or intentionally, we’d have seen it coming. And, actually known it was time to choose, rather than what almost always happens.

We relent, and react.

We so often give up agency and autonomy in micro-doses, feeding ourselves to the voracious demands and appetites of pace without purpose, one teeny, seemingly harmless morsel at a time. Until we wake up, years later, if we wake up, only to discover we are suffering deeply. Breathlessly busy without pause, without cause.

Not acting with intention, but reacting from the moment we open our eyes to the moment we lay our heads fitfully down on the pillow. Increasingly, we find ourselves mildly-wrecked, or burned-out, living with an undiagnosed condition.

Reactive Life Syndrome.

Everything would be better, we think, if we could just get a moment. An hour. A day. A week. To breathe. To choose. Yet, the pace we’ve surrendered to holds us hostage. And, we just don’t see a way out. We may even tell ourselves, “hey, it’s not so bad.”

But is that truth speaking, or futility?

Even if it’s not hit a breaking point yet, we’ve got to ask ourselves, “am I okay with where this is heading?”

Because…

With every waking moment, we create a trajectory for our lives. There is no sideways. Only more, or less alive.

What we feel as nagging now will eventually become gnawing and, left to fester, will take us down and then out. It’s just a matter of time. Left untreated, the seeds of the condition always mushroom into full-blown Reactive Life Syndrome. We end up being dragged through life, rather than co-creating it.

Truth is, it’s not our fault. At least, up until now.

How could we have known there was a cure, when we didn’t know there was a disease? One that’d been controlling our nearly every move for years. Maybe even decades. It’s just the culture we’ve been brought up in. An ethos that says: this is reality. At a certain point, you just give up. That’s what it means to be a grown-up. Surrender your identity and ability to craft your life in a way that fills you up to the will of the Reactive Busyness Gods.

Instead of hitting pause, diagnosing and treating this condition, we end up normalizing it. Nothing to be fixed, just the way things are.

Worse, individuals and organizations all too often wear it as a badge of honor. Reactive busyness, pace without purpose, taking on more than the next person without regard to whether it really matters, or what it’s doing to us. It’s how we’re taught we get ahead.

Except, it’s a lie.

Reactive Life Syndrome is not a badge of honor, it is a symptom of the wrong kind of surrender. Not to what essence and the benevolent and generous pulse of life is excited to deliver into our laps when we create the space to listen. But, rather, resignation to what so many others want from, and sometimes, for us. Regardless of what we want and need for ourselves.

It’s time for a wake-up call.

If we continue to relent, to react, rather than reclaim, that choice and everything that flows from it—the continued blunting of everything that truly matters—from this moment forward is increasingly on us.

To be clear, every person’s life is different.

We have different histories, limitations, resources, abilities, and very real life-demands. It’s not about ignoring those. Life delivers different doses of hard to different people at different times. That is real.

What I’m talking about is owning it all, letting go of any sense of shame or futility, and getting honest, acknowledging the past and the role it’s served in getting you to this place. Both the grace and ease, along with the grind and hard. Then asking, “where do I have agency in my life? What resources, even the smallest ones, do I have access to?”

How can I step out of the life-imploding dizziness of reactive busyness, and into the spaciousness of a more embodied, proactive and alive presence?

The Pivot to Possibility.

What if, no matter our pasts, we welcomed both the responsibility and the possibility to step into greater levels of awareness and intentionality, to flip the switch from being controlled, to being in control, to free ourselves from the weight of Reactive Life Syndrome?

What if, for the first time in a long time, you opened to the possibility of a different reality? One where you reclaimed and crafted each day, rather than reacted and surrendered your moments to the never-ending demands of others.

What if you bridged the gap from reactive and repressed to intentional and alive?

What if to whatever extent is real and alive for us in our lives…

YOU chose what mattered.

YOU set the pace.

YOU decided who to work with, to play with, to create with, to partner with, to love, to give to, to be in service of?

YOU crafted and celebrated each moment.

Not from a place of desperately reactive and futile frenzy, but of grounded intention. Lightness. Joy.

What if, instead of feeling like life is dragging you into a perpetually frenetic spin of breathless oblivion, you could choose to step into the parts of life that make you come alive, and in a way that let you feel the sweetness and space of it, rather than the brutalizing pace?

What if you could breathe again?

Not just now. But tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. Moving through life with a sense of not only purpose and connection, but grace and ease.

The Unbusy Creed.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe...

GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN GIVING UP.

BEFORE YOU CAN RISE UP, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP.

YOU ARE NOT A REACTION TO OTHER PEOPLE’S NEEDS.

LIFE BEGINS WHEN YOU ARE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU.

BEING OF SERVICE DOESN’T MEAN BEING A DOORMAT.

SELF-CARE IS THE BEATING HEART OF OTHER CARE.

THIS MOMENT SEEDS EVERY COMING MOMENT.

INTENTION IS THE ANTIDOTE TO REACTION.

VULNERABILITY IS A DEEP VIRTUE.

MEANING TRULY MATTERS.

SO DO PEOPLE.

These values. These beliefs. They till the soil of a life well-lived. They anchor the path to a cure for Reactive Life Syndrome. A way back from being busy without a cause, pummeled by pace and ravaged by reactivity.

But in order to manifest it, to feel lasting change, and inoculate ourselves against reinfection, we need to play a part in our own recovery.

It’s not enough to believe. It’s not enough to know. We’ve got to act. To take the first step in our journey back to an intentional, connected, vital, meaningful, lit-up life.

Which leaves us with a question.

Now what?

How do you reassemble the pieces of your life to form a less reactive, more present and alive place? How do you reconnect with what matters? How do you know where and when and what to focus your energies on to step back into a place of power and possibility? All while honoring the reality of your past, your present, and your path?

This is the very question I’ve devoted so many of my own waking hours to for years now. Actually, if I’m being honest, for decades, if not my entire adult life. And, I’m still very much figuring it out.

Here are a few things I’ve found incredibly helpful…

Step One: Reclaim Awareness.

A present and alive life is an intentional life. But, we cannot be intentional, we cannot choose and act in ways that reclaim agency and possibility, or surrender to the right things, until we become aware of where and when we’re being present or reactive.

As my dear friend, meditation teacher and founder of the Open Heart Project, Susan Piver, offers, “unless you feel your own heart, you won’t know which gesture is kindness.”

Without awareness, there can be no intention.

And without intention, you lose the ability to choose what matters, and refuse what does not. This Unbusy Manifesto is designed to be your awareness wake up call. But, that’s not enough.

Decades of semi-autopilot life (no blame, no shame, just time to change) leaves deep grooves in your brain. It takes effort to rewire the patterns, to lay down and deepen new, more aware pathways. Ones that give us the ability to consistently “zoom the lens out” throughout the day and notice when we’re relenting, rather than intending, surrendering to the will of others, rather than grace of our own.

How do we cultivate sustained awareness?

There are so many ways.

Here are two big awareness building levers to get you started. One, a long-term build, the other a fun tech-reclaiming intervention:

1. Cultivate a daily mindfulness practice.

I know, I know. You’ve likely heard or read about this practice. It’s been all over the media for years. There’s a reason. It works. A simple daily mindfulness practice is “doable” by anyone. Yes, even you. No matter what past attempts might suggest.

The thing about mindfulness practice, it’s simple, but not easy.

Your mind loves to wander and grasp, but over time, it’ll start to linger and let go with more ease.

Here’s a fun, easy way to explore a mindfulness practice with a few options to help you find an “anchor”—a place for your attention to rest—that feels natural to you.

Get Comfortable in Your Spot

Find a cozy place to sit or lie down. Let your body relax naturally—no need to sit rigidly unless that feels best to you.

Start with Your Breath (Anchor Option 1)

Take a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. Start to feel your breath as it moves in and out.
If your mind wanders (which is totally normal), gently bring it back to noticing each breath. Try feeling where the breath is strongest for you: maybe at the tip of your nose, in your chest, or your belly.

Explore Your Senses (Anchor Option 2)

After a minute or so with the breath, switch to tuning into your senses. Listen to the sounds around you—both close by and far away. Just notice them, like you’re hearing them for the first time.
You could even try focusing on the feeling of your body touching the ground or chair, noticing any textures, warmth, or even just the gentle pressure.

Shift to Body Sensations (Anchor Option 3)

Next, bring your attention to different parts of your body. Start at your feet and, slowly, let your attention move up to your legs, belly, chest, shoulders, arms, and head.
Notice any sensations without judgment—warmth, tingling, relaxation. See if you can be curious about what’s there, without needing to change anything.

Choose an Anchor That Feels Right and Stay with It

After exploring each anchor, settle on the one that felt the most comfortable or interesting today. Stick with it for the last couple of minutes.
If your mind starts wandering (and it will), just gently bring it back to your chosen anchor—whether that’s your breath, sounds, or body sensations.

Finish with Gratitude or a Smile

After five or so minutes (feel free to go longer, if it feels good), gently open your eyes if they were closed. Take a moment to appreciate yourself for showing up.
Even if it felt like a “messy” practice, you did it! Smile or thank yourself—you're starting a wonderful habit.

Feel free to try these different anchors in future practices and see which one feels most natural each day. Enjoy exploring!

Over time, this practice begins to rewire your brain to become more consistently present in the moment, mindful and aware of both your circumstances and the thoughts and stories you’re telling yourself about those circumstances. That lays the foundation for intention.

This brings us to fun awareness practice number two. I love this because it lets us subvert the very technology that often makes us less aware and more reactive, and turns it into a tool to be more present and engaged.

2. Create Awareness Triggers.

Now, we’re going leverage technology to deliver intermittent awareness prompts. This is fun and even a bit counterintuitive. We’ve seen so much about how technology is making us less mindful. By getting a bit creative, we can actually harness it to train our brains to become more mindful and aware.

How? Simple.

Grab your smart-mobile device.

If you happen to use a wearable tracking device, or any mobile device that is programmable, that can do.

Set awareness alerts.

Find the timer/alarm function or app.
Set alerts/alarms, either every hour or at random times, to vibrate with a specific pattern that you’ll know is just for this purpose throughout the day.
Be sure it’s not an audible alert, just a vibration, so you feel it, but it’s not something others need to hear.
Set at least 12 alerts/day, and of course, only during waking hours.
It may take a few minutes to set that up, but once you’re done, just set the alerts to recur every day, and you’re good to go.

Respond to your awareness alerts.

Every time you feel the vibe alert, take a moment to focus your awareness on that moment, get present.
Notice where you are and what you’re doing. Really drink it all in. The motion, the scene, the scent, the sound, the feel.
Notice who you’re with or whether you’re alone.
Notice what you’re thinking, or how you’re reacting to whatever has been unfolding leading up to this moment.
Notice your internal mental and emotional state. Are you calm, tired, angry, agitated, anxious, focused, happy, etc?
Notice your physical state. Is your body relaxed, tight, sore, energized, pained, alert, etc?

This will take only a few seconds, maybe 30-seconds tops. It’s not about changing anything you notice, but rather, simply noticing. This tech-assisted practice begins to train your brain to keep going back to the place of mindful awareness. To reconnecting with the here and now. Over time, you’ll start to do this more naturally, without the need of the vibe alert. Eventually, you can just turn off the alerts and know you’ll be consistently more aware throughout the day.

Now, the question is, what do you do with your newfound awareness? That’s where we’re going next

Step Two: Reclaim Intention.

Ever end up in a conversation that turns into an argument and, somewhere in the middle, an awareness lightbulb flickers on and you realize, “oh wow, I’m just arguing for the sake of arguing.” Or, realized, “I’ve been so head’s down working, I didn't’ even realize there’s so much beauty all around me.” That’s what your awareness practice allows you to do. Snap out of the trance of mindlessness and choose your behavior, rather than default into it numbly.

The moment where you realize that YOU get to choose, that’s where awareness wants to hand the baton to intention. It’s where you get to decide to go left or right, to hold or fold, to love or leave, to say yes or no. Or, just exhale and allow your life to unfold in an organic way, less about force and more about surrendering to what’s right, rather than relenting to another’s might.

This is what it means to be intentional.

To own responsibility for the state of your life, to the extent you have agency over it, to allocate your time, energy and attention with a deliberate choice, rather than a relinquishment of will.

When it comes to eliminating Reactive Lie Syndrome, and its pernicious symptoms from your life, a simple rule applies.

You choose or you lose.

Even if that means choosing to be at peace with what is, in the moment, for the moment. Even that choice can bring a sense of agency to moments that feel otherwise imposed.

Being intentional is all about choosing choice as your default and owning the outcomes, good or bad. It’s about taking an artisanal approach to life, weaving it into a tapestry that tells a story that makes you say…

Some of this, I asked for, some of it not. Some I can change, some not. What I can do is be aware of what is real, and choose how I bring myself to it. I’m consciously participating in its unfolding, rather than allowing it to take the shape of everyone else's wants, needs and intentions but my own.

Here are 11 fun, playful and deceptively powerful ways to bring more intentionality into everyday life. These small practices help us slow down, tune in, and connect with what really matters:

1. Morning Intention Micro-dose.

Each morning, take a quiet moment (even just 30 seconds) to set a simple intention for the day. It could be something like, “Today, I’ll focus on being patient,” or “I want to bring more kindness into my interactions.”
Try jotting it down on a sticky note and placing it on the corner of your computer screen, desktop or somewhere your eyes will naturally revisit it as the day progresses. If that’s not easily accessible, create an audio or other version on your phone, or even simply repeat it out loud to yourself, during breaks. This mini intention is like a little guidepost you can come back to throughout the day.

2. Pause and Check-In Practice.

Before diving into an activity, take a few seconds to pause, breathe, and check in with yourself.
Ask, “Why am I doing this right now?” or “What do I hope to get from this?”
This can be especially helpful before starting work, scrolling social media, or making a decision. It helps shift us from autopilot into a more conscious choice, even if it’s something small.

3. Power of Single-Tasking.

When you have something important to do, try focusing on just that one task. Even if it’s only for five minutes, immerse yourself fully without interruptions.
See if you can bring full attention and curiosity to each step, from the beginning to the end. It’s amazing how much intentionality shows up when we slow down like this!

4. Thanking the Transition.

Notice each little transition in your day, like moving from one task to the next or shifting from work to relaxation, taking a break to stretch, move around or eat. Before you dive into what’s next, pause for a moment to mentally “thank” the previous task or activity for serving its purpose.
This simple practice helps us close one experience with intention before opening another, making each part of our day feel more complete.

5. Evening Intention Reflection.

At the end of the day, take a minute to reflect: “What moments felt most aligned with my intentions today?” or “When did I feel most present?”
This reflection helps us see where our actions matched our intentions, and it brings clarity to what we’d like more of in the future.

6. Choose a Weekly Theme.

Pick a theme to explore each week, like “patience,” “curiosity,” or “gratitude.” Write it down somewhere visible, and let it act as a lens for the week.
Throughout the week, bring your theme into small moments. For instance, if your theme is “curiosity,” try approaching conversations, challenges, and even routine tasks with a fresh, curious perspective.

7. Set Boundaries with Clarity and Compassion

One of the main reasons we fall into Reactive Life Syndrome is a lack of clear boundaries. Without them, everything and everyone else’s needs take precedence over our own. Here's a way to begin shifting that dynamic:

Identify just one area of your life where you feel overwhelmed or out of control—maybe it's at work, with a specific relationship, or even managing personal commitments.
Set a small, clear boundary around that area, like not checking work emails after a certain time or saying "no" to one obligation this week. Smaller “micro-boundaries” help you start to feel comfortable both enforcing them, and also giving you the confidence to eventually explore bigger ones,
Communicate this boundary with both clarity and compassion.
Instead of framing it as a rejection of someone else, position it as a step toward honoring your own well-being. You’ll be surprised at how much more respect and space you can create just by being firm, yet kind.

8. The 3-Breath Reset

Feeling overwhelmed or stuck in a reactive loop is common when life feels chaotic. When you notice yourself getting pulled into autopilot, use the 3-Breath Reset to shift your mindset.

Here’s how it works:

First breath: Focus on the physical sensation of breathing in and out.
Second breath: Feel yourself grounding into the present moment.
Third breath: Set a brief intention for how you want to proceed—whether it’s to stay calm, be productive, or engage more intentionally with what’s in front of you.
This practice is quick but powerful, providing a micro-moment of mindfulness that helps you pause, reset, and choose how to move forward with awareness.

9. Use a Not-to-Do List.

We’re all familiar with to-do lists, but how often do we focus on what NOT to do? A “Not-to-Do” list is about identifying habits, commitments, or distractions that don’t serve you, so you can start letting them go.

Take a moment to reflect on activities that drain your energy or lead to more reactivity. Maybe it’s doom-scrolling on social media, saying "yes" to every request, or attending meetings that don’t need your presence.
Write them down, and to the extent that you are able, consciously avoid them for a week.

This simple shift can create immediate space for more intentional actions.

10. Embrace Strategic Pause Days.

We tend to live in a cycle of go-go-go, without ever allowing ourselves to fully reset. Incorporating strategic pause days into your life—where you step back from the daily grind to reflect, recharge, and realign—can prevent burnout and reactivity.

A pause day doesn’t have to be a vacation. It can be a half-day or even a few hours where you put everything on hold. During that time, ask yourself: “What’s working? What’s not? Where am I saying ‘yes’ when I want to say ‘no’?”

Use this time to reset priorities and get back in touch with your deeper values.

11. Prioritize Meaningful Micro-Moments

We often think big when we talk about reclaiming our lives, but transformation can also happen in small, daily moments. Consider integrating micro-moments of meaning into your routine.

It could be something as simple as sharing a deep breath with your child before bedtime, spending five minutes journaling your thoughts, or savoring a quiet moment of stillness in the morning with your coffee.

These tiny moments add up and serve as gentle reminders that you have the power to infuse intention and meaning into your day, even amidst life’s busyness.

Bringing it home.

By sprinkling these intention-building practices into each day, we can cultivate a sense of purpose, clarity, alignment and intentionality that builds on our growing awareness, without overthinking. These small moments add up!

Remember, the path to reclaiming your life from reactivity doesn’t have to be overwhelming. It’s not about changing everything overnight—it’s about taking small, meaningful steps. The strategies we’ve explored will help you disrupt the patterns of reactivity and create more awareness, intention, agency, and space in your life.

Can’t wait to hear how you play with them!

With a whole lotta love & gratitude,

Jonathan

Wake-Up Call #28 | Get Unbusy!

As you go through your day, think about how you can start putting just one or two of the above tools into action.

Whether it’s setting a timer to cultivate awareness or remind you to single-task, taking three deep breaths before you respond, or blocking off time for a strategic pause, know that each small step is a powerful move toward living more intentionally.

Play with the ideas, start with just one, then if it feels good, add in another. Journal on it.

I’d love to learn from you, too. What practices or strategies have you explored to become more aware and intentional?

If you’re inclined, share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.